Man, time sure flies, I’ve been so busy heroing that I haven’t had much time to write you. Let’s see here, so first, the Feyblades picked up a new member- Kauna the Minotaur. She’s from the island nation of… uh… some… mortal… place. It’s not important. She’s apparently got some pirating experience or something, and she’s really chill, so that’s awesome.
We also have this really grumpy lady named Kitsu Miki who hangs around with us sometimes. She’s from the… Bear Clan? That doesn’t sound right, but whatever, the whole clan thing is boring and makes no sense. She’s from the OTHER human nation, because I have time to try and keep those straight. I offered her full membership in the Feyblades, but she just looked at me and said, “I would rather be thrown weaponless into the Festering Pit than be permanently associated with anything you are in charge of, creature.” Which, first off, RUDE, am I right? And second, her loss anyway. Though admittedly it was kind of a sick burn, I can’t take that away from her.
ANYWAY, we had to go to the OTHER human kingdom to try and find this old friend of Master Phung’s, Isawa Kitai, so that we can try and stop that demon I told you about from coming back, or beat it up or imprison it or something. I’m not clear on that part. The point is, we needed this guy. So we traveled for a while, in typical boring mortal fashion. Apparently this other human nation is super strict, and sometimes fights are one on one, but sometimes not, and there’s this whole honor thing, and oh man, it is so complicated and boring, I could actually feel myself dying from how lame it was when Miki was explaining it. You’re not gonna believe this, but they may actually have more rules than the Eladrin court. Which ought to be impossible, since they’ve had basically since the dawn of time to make up rules, while the humans have only been around for a little while, but there you go. The only cool thing about them is that the guy in charge of the military is called The Shogun, which is an awesome title, and I am totally going to become The Shogun so I can start calling myself that, as soon as I can figure out how.
So we went there, and
I wasn’t allowed to talk much, because they’re a bunch of stupid faces my amazing coolness won everyone over, like usual. I’ve basically been given Clan status. Like, a Clan of one. The Feyblade Clan, family name Space Pirate. That’s totally a thing now. So we talked to people, found out where Kitai was, and went down to go get him. Kauna got infected by something called The Taint, which is major uncool. Don’t worry, I’m 99% sure pixies are immune to it.
We went into this temple, and some stuff happened (I wasn’t paying attention, too busy beating up a dragon, like a boss). We found Kitai, and we had to fight some demon thingy, whooped its stupid monster ass like it was our job (which it is). All standard, but here’s where it gets weird- we found a bunch of weapons that were like, sitting there waiting for us. And one of them mentioned Andrath Ardorway, that Archfey douchebag who is hanging out with the Fomorians. It was written by someone named Sharaea, and I could SWEAR I know that name from somewhere. Maybe Grandma knows, so ask her, will you? Anyway, it’s a pretty sweet weapon, and like I said, it’s like it was waiting there for us, cause everyone had one that fit them exactly. Clearly, I am the destined hero who will save the world, which is AWESOME right? So cool! Bet Barleyrice never found a weapon chock full of destiny, that loser.
Anyway, we came out of the temple and some guy wanted a cut of the loot we’d found. Something about his family’s birthright and Kitai promising it to him. Arja said we had to give it back, and everyone ended up being friends, so it was all good.
Oh hey, looks like we’re gonna go report to Master Phung. Gotta split.
Totally the destined savior of the ENTIRE UNIVERSE,